Believe it or not, there is power in planting a little tiny seed. Why? Because, what do seeds do when planted? They grow into something much greater when watered and taken care of. Be content with planting a seed. I’ll explain why later.
But First
You cannot control everything. Even when you are trying to control situations to help others, you must realize that it is out of your control. A lot of us see controlling things as a such a negative trait, that we tend to deny that we do try to control things. Let’s take some accountability and call it what it is. Until you come to this conclusion, you will keep doing it because you’re so convinced that you aren’t.
Back Story: I Hurt More Than I Helped
Here’s another thing I’ll give away about myself. When I was younger, I learned that if I dropped little easter eggs in conversation with people, something would trigger their memory at a later date and they would remember the conversation. This is how I helped and hindered people. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I became so good at dropping these little flower bombs that when they were set off, a lot of the time, those same people always came back to me with a whole new attitude which was good for me but bad for them.
Like my oldest child currently does, I used my intelligence for the wrong reasons. That was to hurt others when they tried to hurt me. All I had to do was plant that little seed. I felt that it was my duty to do it because if I didn’t they would move on and do the same thing to others who weren’t as detached and heartless as I was. Although that was how I justified my actions, it was how I really felt. I didn’t want other women to experience the hurt that I should have felt. If you’re wondering what the outcome was, well, they became a little thrown off for a little while but they didn’t repeat what they did to me to someone else. Soooo, I guess it was one of those win/lose situations and if they did, they no doubt were triggered to remember the conversation. I lost because it wasn’t right to play with people’s psyche but I was right because I was protecting others from getting hurt. I guess I was like the Robinhood of emotion?!
Back To Using It For Good
When you want to help people, you need to realize you cannot jump in and do everything for them. You cannot help someone who doesn’t want to take the initiative to help themselves. What you can do is give them a little nudge in the right direction and be available to roll with them when they decide to take the plunge. How can you do this? Of course, by planting that seed. You show them that the information and resources are available to them in order for them to get started. You tell them what they needed to know and if they decide to listen to more, you keep speaking. If they’re over listening to you, respect their wishes and hush. This is only in non-emergency situations though. When they are ready, they will either come back to you so that you can be by their side as they pursue whatever it is that you spoke with them about or they will go ahead and take the plunge by themselves.
Listen, Linda, Listen!
There are times when we want to help others and we damn near kill ourselves trying because that person wasn’t serious in the first place. We jumped all in and tried to control everything and MAKE them do things they weren’t willing or ready to do. Instead, we hindered them because of it. I hope this is sinking in. I SAID!!!!!!! We “tried to control everything and MAKE them do things they weren’t willing or ready to do.”!!!!!!!!!! You cannot rush people. They will make those changes when the time permits. Until then, BE CONTENT WITH PLANTING A SEED. Be content with offering your assistance without overstepping boundaries. Be content with assisting without taking over. I promise you’re still helping. Why? Because that seed will grow into the beginning of the process of making the necessary changes.
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