A lot of things have transpired in my life… all because I’m an introvert. Over the years, it has become more and more difficult to be around human due to how they have acted toward me because of my being an introvert. No lie, I prefer domesticated animals over most humans. At this point in my life, I no longer try to socialize with people I’m not already close to and half the time I don’t even do that. I just stay to myself most of the time. For those that I’m not close to, if they speak to me, I will talk but I will not go out of my way to communicate with them.
Time and time again, it is proven to me why I should not try to force myself to be…. “Friendly”, if you will. Although, I am naturally able to get along with people. I prefer to speak with outcasts the most because those are the people who you can talk to for hours about topics of substance. Small talk is one of my pet peeves and is the fastest way to get an “uh huh” or an “oh” out of me which are the phrases I use to fiend politeness. Sometimes, I’ll even be physically present but mentally withdrawn. I’m telling on myself here but so be it. It’s not like I try to hide it anyway.
Anyway… Because I’m An Introvert:
1. People Mistake My Introversion For Intimidation
If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to mess with me because I’m quiet and “reserved”, I would be a millionaire. You know the saying, “it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for?”. In my case, it’s a very true statement. In fact, I am not afraid of ANYONE but MYSELF. Why? Because I know what I am capable of, what goes through my head, I know why I hold myself back from reacting to certain things and certain people, and I know what happens when I lose self-control. I’m telling you, if you know someone that’s quiet, don’t try them. They’re not afraid of you, they are afraid of what they might do to you. And that’s all I’m going to say about that. Although, you can try it if you want to, it’s your funeral. *shrugs*
2. I Have Been Picked On
Not necessarily bullied by my peers but picked on by adults. They love to use their authority too. But what most don’t know is, I am one that challenges authority. I just don’t do well with people who try to show authority over me. Especially, when they’re using it to pick on me. I have been forced to talk, literally pushed into a direction I didn’t want to go into it (it didn’t work out for them), I’ve even been made fun of for various reasons because they knew I wouldn’t say anything. Of course, until I got annoyed and then went off on them. Then I turned into the bad guy. You don’t poke a bear and expect it not to attack.
3. People Are Afraid Of Me
Crazy right? I knoooooooow. But there are people who are afraid of me because they think I’m a silent killer or something. I guess they figure because I can calculate things and people so well, I must be a mass murderer that’s getting away with it. How’s that for a laughable moment?!
4. People Don’t Trust Me
Why? Because I be plotting, I guess! I guess because society perceives people who don’t talk much as untrustworthy because you don’t know what they’re thinking. They could be plotting to rob you or planning your murder and you wouldn’t even know it. These are some of the things I have been told before.
5. Many People Believe I Think I’m God’s Gift To Earth
Well, if you google my name you will find that it means “Gift of God, love for life, someone who bring harmony”. I’m just saying! But no, just because I am very selective in who I speak to does not mean that I think I’m god’s gift to earth. Now, I do think that I am better than a lot of the actions that most people display. I will admit to that. Oh, and I definitely judge people on the low. My face doesn’t agree with this statement as it gives away my thoughts sometimes so it may not be on the low all the time.
6. I Go Through Things Alone
Yes, I do keep A LOT to myself. I go through things alone for many reasons: 1. I don’t like people in my business 2. Most people would not be able to comprehend what I go through 3. I don’t want to be a burden 4. I’ve tried t reach out to others and it becomes about them 5. I’d rather remain quiet 6. I find solace and being alone 6. I can figure out most solutions by myself 7. I can mentally prepare myself to get over things when I keep them to myself
7. I Am Not Trusting/Accepting
I cannot accept new people into my life because I don’t trust. I barely trust the old people. I stick to a select few that I feel I can trust with most things. There are only two people in my life that I feel I can trust more than anything and they are my mom and my fiancé. They may not know it, but they will find out when they read this. It’s not to say that I don’t have other good people in my life, I’m just naturally skeptical of everyone.
8. I’m Very Self-Aware
Yes, I am. You know what grinds my gears? When I’m told I’m not aware of the things that I have done. Well, the things I can remember anyway. But anywho, I know what I do. I filter 99% of it so I am extremely aware. I even playback my actions a lot of the time. I know me! I’ve spent enough time with myself to be very self-aware. It is something that I take pride in but let me tell you, it is not always sweet to be self-aware. Especially when you do things that are not too great. In my case, I tend to beat myself up because I don’t do things that I deem are great enough.
9. I Withdraw Into Myself
This can fall under number 9 but I figured it needed it’s on space. I tend to space out and get lost in my thoughts. A billion scenes and scenarios will flash into my head at any given time. My mind is so preoccupied, it can be hard to control. This is why I enjoy silence because there are times when my mind is too loud, and any extra stimulating noise will send me into a rage because I am overstimulated.
10. I Am A Loner
Being around some people can be great sometimes but it is always very mentally taxing. I’m going to give it to you straight, being around people drains my energy. I’m not an extravert that loves to be around people and loves attention and all of that. Being an introvert means that I love being alone and I love peace and quiet. That is how I recharge. Drama is something that drains my energy just as fast as a Lamborghini goes 0-60. In turn, I will shut down and after I shut down, it becomes very difficult for me to control my actions. I say this because over the past two years I have experienced so more drama than I have experienced in my whole lifetime. Let’s just say, I have been physically restrained a time or two during this time. I believe being a loner makes it very possible to stay away from all of that for the most part.
*Bonus* Photoshoots Can Be Overwhelming
I have always enjoyed photography. As a little kid, I went through a few cameras but never did get the DLSR that I wanted. I purchased one a few years ago and decided that I would study to be a photographer. My hobby became a business, but I realized I didn’t enjoy the business side as much. When you’re a photographer people try to take advantage of you. Not only that, but my introversion and lack of social skills also make photoshoots awkward. I come across as not too friendly and don’t speak much, although I am able to produce quality photos. It can be very overwhelming because I have to try and force myself to make other people comfortable when I don’t feel comfortable myself. It’s something that I need to work on but for now, I will do photoshoots here and there. Here are a few photos from a spontaneous shoot I did for my 8-Month-Old. If you follow either one of my social media profiles, you have seen a few.