As I get closer and closer to my due date, I begin to reflect on this pregnancy and my feelings toward it. A lot of people actually enjoy being pregnant, but I can’t for the life of me understand why. For me, it has been torturous. At 38 weeks, I just want this little girl to vacate my body. The excruciating, bone-crushing pain I am experiencing needs to end. My bones will literally dislocate due to the weight and my body getting ready for birth.
It needs to happen already so I can stop walking around like one of those scary movies characters where their joints are popping and cracking out of place while they walk toward their victim. I use my desk chair as a walker at home because it is damn near impossible to just get to the toilet without it… And people wonder why they see me sitting down so much. How about you try walking a few feet with your legs buckling underneath you and your hips coming out of the socket the whole time.
Not to mention the fact that I am as big as a house. I’m constantly told how cute I look and how amazing I look and all that crap. Meanwhile, in reality, I look like a bloated whale. It is hard to accept pregnancy as something that is physically beautiful because it’s not for a lot of people. You have this protruding stomach that makes you look like you swallowed a weird shaped whole watermelon, you waddle like a penguin, and there’s what looks like an alien trying to break out of your stomach.
My anxiety is through the roof. I find myself looking forward to the days when I can have my body back and be able to lay on my stomach again. I already had back problems but nothing as bad as what I’ve been experiencing over that past few months. Through all of these negative emotions, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I do have certain things that make me look at my body positively.
1. My Weight
Before getting pregnant I was underweight. I ate but I didn’t eat as much as I do now. Part of that is because my Fiancé likes to try and fatten me up these days. He thinks he’s slick, but I am thankful. Now I just have to keep most of the weight on. I only want to lose the stomach which I had no problem with when I had my son but that was 7 years ago. That bounce back may not be as bouncy this time around.
2. I’m More Shapely
Instead of looking like a little girl, I now have the body of an adult. Yup, I admit it because it was something that bothered me when I was underweight. I would constantly complain about how young my body looked which made me want to wear boy clothes even more. Now I can wear a dress and be like… “POW!!!! Coming through, watch out for the booty. It might knock you over”.
3. I’ve Created Another Life
There are some people who want this experience but may never be able to experience it. As much pain as I am in, I am thankful to be creating a life with someone who I love and who loves me. Someone who is thankful for this experience. That alone makes me proud to be able to share this experience with him. It is a big change from my first pregnancy experience, that’s for sure.
4. Stretch Marks
I did a good job of making my stretch marks a lot less visible from my first pregnancy, only to have them explode again. Back to the drawing board, I go. I don’t mind as much this time around because I am happy that I am having this little girl who I hope will be sweet and innocent. My stretch marks show that I was able to carry this little girl through the hardships. I am a warrior!
5. It’s Only Temporary
I only have to look like a balloon animal for a little longer. My feet and fingers have swelled up so much that I had to struggle to take rings off of my right hand. Thankfully my engagement ring is a little big on me so that’s still good. Once I have healed, I’ll be able to work on the body I wanted before pregnancy because now I actually have the weight I needed to tone up. Yaay me! Only a few more weeks.
6. It Puts A Smile On The Face Of Others
People see pregnancy as something that is truly amazing. It puts a lot of them in a good mood. I enjoy seeing the smiles it brings to others although I may have a grimace most of the time. The way my Fiancé’s eyes light up and his laugh when he feels the baby kick is amazing to watch.
7. My Stomach Is Like A Pillow For My Dog
She likes to rest her head on my stomach sometimes. Sometimes she’ll just rest her paw on it and will pat it. I’ll miss that part but whatevs.
8. Free Food!!!!!
Believe it or not, I love food. I have gotten so much free and discounted food at restaurants, it’s not even funny. I enjoy it and eat up. And THAT my friends, is how I gained the weight. I have no regrets!
9. The Passenger Airbag Comes On
You have to be 100 pounds in order for the Passenger Airbag to come on. The only time this happens for me is when I’m pregnant. It’s sort of like an accomplishment for me when I see that red light come on. It shows that I’ve reached my weight goal. Others who are underweight know exactly what I’m talking about.
10. I Will Now Have A Boy and A Girl
The shop is closed. I have acquired both genders like Pokémon cards. There is no need to try again. Sterilization is looking really attractive to me right now. I’ve been trying to get sterilized since I was 18 but was always told no and was given many excuses for why I couldn’t get it done. I’m still being told no like I will miraculously change my mind. Yeah right!