Blog,  Jalika's Dating Advice

Getting “Flewed Out” Is Cute, Until It’s Not

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As a woman, it is very important for you to always carry money on you. I know there are times when you’ve just paid all of your bills and you’re on a strict budget but you still feel you should agree to go out with that guy that asked you out. It’s okay to tell someone a realistic time for your availability when you know you’ll have disposable income. It may also be wise to keep at least $50 in your wallet for emergencies. DO NOT touch that money for anything else and if you do, be sure to replace it ASAP. There may come a time where you will have to pay for something unexpectedly.

For Example:

– Transportation when you have no other way home
– Your meal when you go on a date
– An activity you went to go do
– Clothing in case there is any kind of accident
– Feminine products (Although you should always carry some just in case)

There are plenty of other situations where you would need to carry money but those are good for now. You never know what is going to happen. You may choose to go out with someone and in the end, they are no longer interested in you. They may choose to make you pay for your portion of the date. You may even go out with someone you didn’t know was the type to make a woman pay their way on a date. Let’s be honest, it would be pretty embarrassing to assume you were going to be taken care of only to hear your date tell the waitress, “Can I have two separate checks?” and you’re sitting there penniless.

For those who would accept an invitation to be flown somewhere, it may be best to have a few hundred. The money should either be on you or in your account. I would prefer you to turn down an invitation to “fly out and see” a man. Even if you’ve known him for a long time. Let that man come to you and stay in a hotel. I say this for many reasons but mainly safety reasons. Your well being is what is important. There is a reason why I brought up this specific scenario and I’ll tell you why in a minute.

It’s Story Time

A few days ago, I stopped at a gas station so my dad could get some snacks. Naturally, I looked up at the door and saw a man standing there. His body language displaying that he was arguing with someone. I dismissed it as a dude just being aggressive with the attendant and went back to my phone.

Then a woman comes bursting through the doors. She’s standing by my car screaming at him “So you’re just going to leave me here like this? You flew me here and now you don’t even want me”. Meanwhile, he’s steady telling her that it’s over. I’m just sitting there shocked because this is a gas station along the highway so leaving so you would have to be heartless to just leave a woman there with a carry-on bag and a huge purse.

That’s not to say that the woman did nothing wrong because she could’ve but jeez, at least drop her somewhere like a bus station or airport. Turns out the woman was from North Carolina and the guy flew her there to be with him. He wasn’t treating her well so she was ready to go back home. He decided he would just dump her at a random gas station so she could “find a way home”.

My Take On The Situation

I don’t know about you but I would never want to be stuck in that situation. I know better than to let a man fly me out to see him, especially to a city or state where I know no one and don’t know my way around. That was the young lady’s first mistake. This woman sat on her phone trying to get someone to send her money so she could get home. That’s assuming she still had her ID because, without it, she would be butt out of luck. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice gesture for a man to pay for your transportation but it’s also a way abusive men have used to leave women stranded.

I really do hope she was able to get home safely. I know stuff like that happens to many women and sex trafficking is very real here in Houston which was a worry for me. There are those who are wondering why I didn’t help. If you were 8 months pregnant, would you pick up a random woman and take her somewhere? If you answered yes, that’s noble of you but I refuse to put myself and my unborn child in harm’s way just because I wanted to be a good Samaritan. Who knows, this chick could’ve been a dangerous person. I just know I wouldn’t be the one to find out. So instead, I will warn others and tell you guys not to make the same mistake that she said.

Pay Attention!!!!

As I said earlier in this post, make the man visit you and stay in a hotel. If you plan to be together, make the man move to where you are. If you are engaged to be married, it is okay to move to where he is, if you have a way to get back home should anything happen. I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer but let’s be adults, shit happens and no matter how well you THINK you know someone, they may switch up one day and your safety and well being would no longer be important to them. YOU are in charge of YOU at all times.

Now, I know it’s different for women who are dating service members. I’ve dated a few (my father is an ARMY Vet so I grew up around the military) before and I’ve seen SOOOOO much. There are times where some of these men will pretend to be all sweet but then turn out to be the devil’s spawn. They become abusive and controlling. I’ve seen plenty of instances where young women are left stranded miles and miles away from their family and friends because they chose a serviceman who is stationed so far away from their home.

Be Careful!!!

Please be careful with the people that you date. I know that sometimes it is inevitable because some men are conniving and manipulative but make sure you always have a safety plan. It may be best to have money saved somewhere and/or have a close friend or family member to run to when something happens. Make sure these are people that will take you in, in case of an emergency. If you have neither and you find yourself in a situation like the young lady I talked about, contact a local women’s shelter and they should be able to help you.

Should you find yourself in immediate danger, do what you can to get away and call 911. DO NOT go back to that person, no matter how sweet they become later. Whatever he tells you at that point is just to get you back with him. If he really cared, you wouldn’t be in such a situation in the first place, no matter how mad he got. I know someone will read this and say “ That will never be me!” but you never know, it could happen to anyone and it is best to know your options ahead of time.

If this has happened to any of you, I’m sorry that you went through that. Please tell your story in the comments so that we can work to prevent this kind of thing from happening as much. We need to inform as many young women as possible.

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