Blog,  Sexual Assault

Rape Culture

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What is rape culture?

Rape culture is a culture in which sexual violence has become normalized. Survivors are blamed for their assault. Survivors are told it never happened. It is the sexual objectification of individuals, it is the trivialization of sexual assault, and it is the slut-shaming of people based on many variables such as gender and/or style of dress. Many deny that rape culture exists. It is as if society is conditioned to ignore it by looking the other way and refusing to accept that it is real. If they don’t see it, it doesn’t exist. If they don’t believe it, it doesn’t exist.

 

” Women are indecisive”

Yes, we as women are viewed as being indecisive. We don’t know what we want. So, when we say no, we don’t really mean no. We just need a little convincing. This is what men believe. They think when we say no, we’re just playing hard to get.

 

What about fighting our abuser?

There are some women who fight, which makes the man more aggressive. Some women get away while others experience a more intense horror experience.  In the end, we are told that boys will be boys. They know what they want and go for it. As if that makes it right for women to be treated less than human.

When did we become PROPERTY to be handled however our abuser sees fit? When did” no means no” become” no means convince me” or” no means I’m playing hard to get”? We may not know what we want to eat all the time, but we do know whether we want to have intercourse or not!

 

Putting a stop to it

Since my son was a toddler, I’ve taught him that he can’t force people to be affectionate with him. A year ago, I noticed that he would try to force the dog to hug him and hold her hostage. I used that as an example to teach him that it is wrong to do that with anyone. I will teach my daughter the same because women sexually assault people as well.

 

Why didn’t you report it?

Society always asks why people don’t report sexual assault. At the same time, society doesn’t believe them when they do come forward. The survivor becomes a liar, or they’re accused of leading the abuser on. Why come forward just to be demonized? Then you have those who lie about being assaulted making it worse for the real survivors because these people decided to cry wolf.

 

What can we do?

What can we do to stop the assault of our men, women, boys, and girls? Or do we just accept that it will keep happening and make excuses like it’s okay? My only hope is that by informing others about what sexual assault is, they will think twice about their actions. The reality is, it will never end but we can make it happen a lot less. There should be no reason why so many men and women have a sexual assault story. It happens so much that some people see it as normal. Sexual assault is not normal and it should not be accepted as such.

 

Types of Sexual Assault

  1. ANY unwanted or coerced sexual contact – Slight contact be it mouth, genitals, breasts, inner thigh, anus, or buttocks. Everyone doesn’t like booty tag! Talking someone into letting you touch them in private places when they don’t want you to. Threatening them if they don’t oblige.

  2. Unwanted sexual touching – Randomly putting your hands in someone’s hair is weird. Random shoulder massages are creepy. Being touchy feely when speaking to someone is not okay. Neither is groping, including grabbing her by the pussy as our wonderful President put it. Coping a feel *eye roll*

  3. Rape – Forcing someone to have sexual intercourse against their will. If they say no and intercourse done anyway, its rape. Plain and simple

  4. Marital Rape – Yes, even when you’re married no still means no. A spouse is not property and did not forfeit their body when they said:” I Do”. Consent is still needed.

  5. Incest – When an abuser is a family member it is called incest which is very common. It is also the most common form of sexual abuse to be denied even when the physical proof is in the form of a child that has been conceived due to the abuse.

  6. Sexual contact with minors (Statutory Rape)– A minor cannot legally consent to sexual contact. Whether the minor verbally consented or not, it will not hold water in court when the abuser says the minor agreed to sexual contact with them.

  7. Forced penetration with an object -Penetrating the orifice (ex. Vagina, anus, mouth) of someone or causing an individual to penetrate themselves against their will. The stories I’ve heard from survivors about this form of assault is disheartening.

  8. Forced Sodomy – Anal or oral sex against an individual’s will. This can easily turn into attempted murder or even murder.

 

Who are the abusers?

Most sexual assaults are performed by people we know and trust. In other words, Acquaintances. What is an acquaintance?

  • Family Members

  • Boyfriends/Girlfriends

  • Doctors

  • Friends

  • Classmates

  • Co-workers

  • Teachers

  • Coaches

  • Teammates

  • Religious Leaders

  • Parishioners

  • Neighbors

Consent is important

Unless someone who is of the legal age of consent clearly tells you that it is okay that you have sex at that moment, it is not consensual. Teenagers who are of legal age of consent but are both minors can give each other consent.  If an individual changes their mind for any reason after giving consent, it is no longer consensual, and all sexual activity must cease.

Lawfully: A minor cannot consent to sexual contact. An alcohol or drug-influenced individual cannot consent to sexual contact. A family member cannot consent to sexual contact with another family member. A minor of consensual age cannot consent to sexual contact with an adult.

Please be mindful of the actions of yourself and others. Just because someone isn’t physically fighting you, doesn’t mean they like what you’re doing to them. Pay attention to each other’s body language and facial expressions. Listen to each other’s words. Communication is very important when sex is involved. For those instances where someone is intentionally committing a sexual crime, we must take legal action and report it. Some may say that we should take justice into our own hands, but I will neither agree nor disagree with it on the record. To read about my sexual abuse story, click here!

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